.
[Reprinted from an
undated pamphlet, Simple Talks on Taxation, published by the
author]
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...
... That's quite a fine building
across the street there. Medical Center?
... Yeah.
Medical Center.
... Yes, it's a great addition to a
city, a building like that.
... You
betcher. It's a great addition to the tax roll, too! It's worth
ten times the ones was there before.
... Yes, buildings like that
make a city. We ought to have more of them.
... You
betcher! I'd like to be appraising a dozen more.
... Oh - you're an appraiser?
... Yeah.
... In real estate?
... Nope.
Assessor's office.
... Well, I think you'll be
appraising - not a dozen, maybe, but a couple at least.
... Nope.
Land's too high. What they're asking for the land now, a man
couldn't get his money back in fifty years.
... Then how about the Medical
Center there? Was the land cheaper when they bought?
... Some. It
belonged to old man McCurdy. He paid thirteen grand for it,
sixteen years ago. When the Medics offered him Two hundred grand
for it, he let them have it Figured it would make his other pieces
go for more.
... I s'pose, with that increase in
value, you were advancing his taxes rather heavily, too?
... How was
that, again?
... I suppose that, as the property
advanced from Thirteen thousand to Two hundred thousand grand,
McCurdy's taxes went up in proportion.
... Hell no!
His buildings were old - out-of-date, so we assessed them way
down.
... And the land?
... We
appraised it at Sixty per cent of his Thirteen. That's our regular
scale.
... Will you tax the Medical
land at the same rate?
... Gosh no!
With that fine building on it, we'll hitch it up good! We'll
assess, with the building, for forty times what it brought us when
it belonged to McCurdy.
... Will you raise the tax on all
the land in the neighborhood?
... Nope.
O'ny when they's a new building goes up.
... But hasn't all the land gone up
in value?
... They're
asking more for it, but what in hell has the Assessor to do with
that?
... McCurdy was certainly lucky -
pret-near a Hundred and Forty thousand after Capital Gains tax.
Does the city get any of that?
... How would
the city get any of his money?
... I was just wondering. If the
city nursed him and his old buildings 'til they got to Two hundred
grand, it's a shame the city doesn't get a cut put of the profit.
... Oh, the
city'll get it all right. Taxing the Medics.
... But - Gee! The Medical people
already paid McCurdy for what the city should a' got! Then when
they improve the city, they get socked for doing a good thing!
... Say, you
aint a Commie, are you?
... A Commie! Why? What makes you
ask that?
... Well, you
don't seem to like die -way we do business.
... Does that make me a Commie?
... Kinder.
... No. I'm no Commie. If I was, I'd
be putting the Medical people out of business, and take their
building. I'd be for treating them worse than you're talking of
doing.
... Hey! You
can't get away with telling me I talk like a Commie!
... Aw, I was o'ny kiddin'. But it
will take a lot of taxing before the city gets as much as McCurdy
got for nothing. The city'll never really get it back.
... Get it
back?
... Well The city made it.
... City
hell. McCurdy made it.
... Sure. Mac got it but we all
created it When I said "made," I meant - let's say "constructed
it."
... Who's "we"?
... You and me and the rest of us.
... What in
hell did you and me have to do with it?
... Well, like everyone else in
town, we're here.
... What's
that got to do with it?
... If nobody was here, how much
would the Medical lot be worth?
... If nobody
was here it wouldn't be worth nothin'. Any fool'd know that!
... But there are plenty of fools
who don't know what belongs to them and what doesn't.
... That's
for sure.
... Did you ever hear of Abou Ben
Adhem?
... Sure. In
school. "Abou Ben Adhem's name led all the rest."
... And did you know that in the
list of fools that don't know what belong to who, the average
Assessor's name leads all the rest?
... Say, I'm
tired of your talk and your wise cracks. I've wasted my time long
enough. We assessors know our business and we don't need any
advice. You ought to get yourself a soap box. I'm going.
... Goodbye, Mr. Deputy Assessor.
(Soliloquy) If I thought you really knew your business, I'd
promote you from ignoramus to criminal! But you don't.
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